With Round 2 of the 2022 Motomuck 2-Man series looking to be set on a level playing field for the first time in decades, it was with trepidation that the people’s champions took to the start line as their fiendish foes positioned themselves within striking distance. And then……Chaos ensued.

A rivalry so intense that even the famous Los Squid had to weigh in on the situation with this clearly paid for master piece.

After what can only be described as treachery at Round 1, which left team Hill/Power battered and bruised, the second installment of the series was always going to be a nail-biter. Knowing that we had to take the fight to them, both Jono and I put in work during the break and made great strides in our riding. So great in fact that Tomac himself was sliding into our DM’s, asking for tips and tricks to get him back on the right track after losing to Sexton at Washougal. Naturally, we obliged. Didn’t seem to help at Unadilla?

Come race day, the heavens were angry with rain – as if they knew something was afoot, even before it had happened. The start grid was reversed, with team-dangerous two rows back from myself. Unlike Round 1 where starting from the front was advantageous, Round 2 proved that playing catch up was to be a huge advantage. An advantage on a scale never before seen in recent times. The track was to play right into their hands, and we were just sitting ducks, oblivious to what was to transpire.

Rhonda and I far left. Flanked by the assasin, with Damon two rows back giving the head nod which would start a chain of events.

The flag went up and I got the jump – heading into the track proper with a clear focus on checking out. We may have been the first team’s grid away, but on track, we had 2 rows of Nigel no-mates riders who I found I had to start navigating early on in the lap. One by one I would pick a Nigel off. But no matter what I did, I had a continuous buzz on my rear wheel that I couldn’t shake. Odd, because I knew those who shall not be named were a good minute back still. So what or who could it be?

There was a section of track that looped back on itself around a fence line and I was able to catch a glimpse of what was holding my wheel. I shook my head in complete disbelief as to what I saw. It couldn’t be…could it? Then reality sunk in. Joining the attack against probably two of the nicest guys in the paddock was none other than Mitchell ‘The Bulldozer’ Nield.

In complete cruise mode - knowing that the damage had been done.

Now you might think to yourself…Hold Up…Wait a Minute…Something ain’t Right? And you would be wise to question your thoughts as Mitchell is in fact Damon’s brother from the same mother (and father) and had sold his soul, and probably firstborn, to join in on the assault. Coincidence? I’ll leave that up to you.

It was then, that I realised I was in big trouble. The track was very 450 unfriendly, Bulldozer was throwing front wheels in left and right, and it was only a matter of time before someone was killed, or worse. Then it happened. A jolt from the back as I crested a small mound, sent the rear end of Rhonda to the left. I poised for impact as the rear end settled down into the deep sand. Almost instantaneously, the back hooked up and shot me right back across the track like a rubber band. Probably the only time where running the Maxi Grip tyres was a disadvantage given the amount of traction I experienced. Could have done with some wheel spin to be fair…but them’s the breaks.

But the ride was not over! Shooting right across the track had me and Rhonda collecting a tree with the throttle side, producing a high-side of incalculable proportions. The rollercoaster of Sky, ground, #94, sky, ground, #94, sky, ground came to a spectacular end with bike and rider strewn all over the track. Even during my mid-air acrobatics, I caught a glimpse of what I initially thought to be a squirrel climbing the tree. But it didn’t take long to understand the true-ness of the situation.

About 20 years prior, Damon, no older than a young toddler, embarked on a vicious plan to toil with the fabric of the future, by planting this exact tree in anticipation for my demise at this exact race. Not only was it very obvious when I inspected the tree, post-race (as seen in the pics above), historic records show a forestry permit issued to a D.Nield & B.Hoskins in 2001 to ‘help’ with tree planting in the northern block of Woodhill Forest. Then all that was required was an unsuspecting family member at the right place, at the right time. Mission accomplished.

It’s the paper trails that will get you in the end. Rookie mistakes from the protagonists.

I got up pretty quick to check for damage and by some grace of God I appeared to still be in one piece. I stumbled back to Rhonda and lifted her back onto her wheels to find her in tatters. Bent bars, twisted front wheel, levers all over the place, sand in places I didn’t even know she had – a real shambles. I got back on and tried to continue riding but had to stop several times to straighten her out as best I could. ‘Surprisingly’ Damon had now caught up to my back wheel and knowing that we were in a bad way, I did the most sportsman-like action ever recorded and waved him by. Sure, I could have kept him behind me and played a little dirty (not unlike those who shall not be named) but I just couldn’t stoop that low and risk him trying to pass in a dodgy area and have him crash and break a nail. I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself, and so I waved him by.

Having been cleaned out at the speed of light, it was a miricle that I even made it back to the pits…let along actually lived to tell this true tail.

The sad reality was this all but ended our chances at redemption at Round 2. I made it back to the pits and passed the job onto Jono. I straightened up Rhonda best I could, and we both set to work trying to catch up the deficit. We pulled back an estimated 27 minutes (give or take) on them, but it just wasn’t enough and we had to yet again concede to our foes.

Interestingly though, the actual on-track racing did not accurately reflect the statistics of the race. And as we all know, data doesn’t lie.

Round 1 - Fastest Lap to Fastest Lap

CP 4.7% slower than Damon
Jono 1.4% faster than Brandon
We were 3.3% behind overall on fastest laps vs fastest laps combined

Round 2 - Fastest Lap to Fastest Lap

CP 4.8% slower than Damon even after the HUGE crash that left him clinically brain dead
Jono 2.7 % faster than Brandon
We were 2.1% behind overall on fastest laps vs fastest laps combined.

So we are clearly trending upwards.

This image, taken by the Kiwi Rider team, minutes before the race started clearly shows the canoodling and extend of this ruse.

There is one more chance to redeem ourselves at Round 3 of this Motomuck-sponsored series. Set for the 4th of September, it will be a winner takes all royal-rumble that will go down in history as one of the greatest rivalries that this sport has ever seen. Tensions are high and the stakes have again, never-ever been higher. There can only be one team victorious at the chequered flag. Who will it be? Come along and find out.

Jono’s Weighs In

After copious amounts of trash talking and some questionable photoshopping since tasting the bitter taste of defeat at Round 1, I was determined to put in some serious training in the break between rounds and claw back some redemption for Round 2. Sadly, this was not to be as I injured my back in the build-up and was unable to ride the couple of weeks beforehand and unsure if I could even make the race.

Nonetheless, my spirits were lifted to an all-time high when CP arrived with the bold proclamation “I’m feeling my best ever today!”. If anyone knows CP, when he says this, he means business!! That was enough for me to block out any thoughts of a sore back.

Jono put on an absolute clinic but it still wasn’t enough to claw back the clean out on Lap 1..

CPs actions quickly backed up his words in the pits when he ripped a HUGE hole shot at the flag drop and was off into the lead. In the section visible to the pits, he appeared to quickly drop the pack of chasing riders.

I eagerly awaited his arrival in the pits as I knew no one could come close to him now and I could already taste the victory champagne as all I would have to do is circulate around. Then the first rider came through timing and scoring, and I was very confused as it was not CP. Then the 2nd, then the 3rd, then the entire expert grid. I began to suspect the worst had happened and “the dastardly duo” had bribed some track marshals into directing CP astray.

I began to get off my bike and push it back to the Ute as quite some time had passed, when CP appeared over the horizon hunched over, with his handlebars down in his lap, levers pointing to the ground and peak straight up in the air.

We swapped out and I set about picking off as many positions as I could.

I went full Bam Bam Barcia mode and made a few “aggressive” passes with huge handfuls of rev limiter and clutch but still got held up a lot in the tight sections. CP got himself back in the race and made a gallant charge. But sadly, the damage was already done after our first two disastrous laps, and we were never able to make a full come back.

Even though the results might not show it, I feel Round 3 will be a close fight. Luckily, it’s double points and drop-a-round, as the winner will take all, because this is far from over. It’s time to turn up the heat!!!”